I'd like some milk with that please.

I'm a granola girl. I admit this healthily and happily.
If I must be labeled, this one feels better than pre-shrunk cotton. I am crunchy.
I think it's because my name is Opal. I think it is because I was conceived at a cottage with no running water and outhouses, and a full beautiful expanse of sky opening like a painting over the umbrella of trees. But that is too poetic. Maybe it's because I am an artist.
I generally don't love labels, but I realize they are necessary sometimes.

When my opinions form, they come from my belly. Not the leftover jiggly bits, but the inner one. I ask myself if this sits well. Instinct is where most of my ideologies come from. Instinct, logic, kindness, observations.
If I take the 'socialness' away.. if I become a simple cave-mama, if I take away cars and cities and neighbours who watch..... what works for me...

If I were in my cave, and my baby was needing to be born, would I make a quiet, nice soft nest and have the things that comfort me around? Would I pant and centre myself however I had to, get comfortable.. get vertical.. swing and rock my hips... would nature tell me to do this? Would I listen to the instinct? I would be more in touch with instinct at that moment than ever before or again. My body, a tunnel of muscle and potent hormones would lead me.
In the afterglow of birthing, with my baby in my arms, would my baby seek out sustenance from my breasts, would we cuddle closely together and get to know each other... would we doze off together after this long journey we've been on. We both need to heal and learn each other.... would I keep this new most intense love of my life, the one I created and birthed, the one who depends wholeheartedly on me for its survival...by my side to care for? Would I make him his own bed in another cave, far away from my warmth, food and comfort?
Would I let this being whom I housed in my body, cry because he was demanding something of me, and I had other concerns? Crying is the only thing babies can do with conviction.. they can't explain things. Just as we can't explain that they 'need their independence'.. or they'll 'never leave your side'... We are so concerned that they will need us too much that we force them out too soon, to fit into our preconceived culturally driven notions...and then they don't have the confidence to know we will be there, because when they have called, we've taught them to self soothe.. which is a valuable thing, but when prematurely introduced ( for fear or societal intervention) normal healthy and needed bonding cues might be compromised. Will we work it out? Sure. You'd never give up on your child....But did it need to be that way? Not exactly. Of course this is a generalization. But it is also an observation. If we take all the interventions and 'well meaning' people or so called experts away and listen to the real expert... you and your baby... the answer will invariably be there, even though we ignore it more often than not. We are still animals. Educated, Civilized, Social animals, but animals nonetheless.
There is more kindness in what I am writing. I am aware that a sensitive person might read that I am insulting their parenting styles, when what I am doing is explaining how I came about my own. My convictions come from nature's call.
I shave my armpits, ( in fact, I pretty much only like the kind that grows out of my head) I love modern conveniences, I do have a consciousness about my life... But I find the most logical answers are almost always, without exception.. the simplest ones.
Babyhood happens so quickly.
I know it is necessary to have schedules in this socio political climate. But. Understand that babies, these primitive humans, are simple and won't understand the things that we understand. That is what makes them incredible. Their little potential-filled brains... it happens so fast. They grow. Before you know it, they grow out of all the limitations we place on them, and the worries we had about them, and their naptimes/foodtimes/sleeping with mommy/in their own crib/co dependency/milestones... the things that absorb us in the minutiae of our lives.... they resolve. The things that drove us crazy with wanting a manual.. they disappear. What comes in their wake is the realization that you could've hugged them more. Because they will never be that baby-sweet child again. So I say "More lap time!"
"more kisses"
"more naps together"
"more crazy raspberries"
"more listening to that internal compass, it will never steer me wrong"

Having been on this parenthood trip a few times now, I know it goes too fast. I am so imperfect, but I don't think the ways I am imperfect will leave lasting scars. They will look back at me as this crazy mommy who doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. She yells sometimes, but is quick to apologize, she makes us eat vegetables, but will follow it up with ice cream...She'll make mistakes and miss deadlines, but will make it up to them with integrity and genuine love. I know we'll go through our share of scrapes and scraps.. I certainly know I will with my daughter.... but I am honoured to have the privilege of growing with these amazing people. I made them! My best work.
I am a granola girl who masquerades as a grown up masquerading as a granola girl.
I am a superhero. "The Galactic Lactator."